#but i think they feel like such an open would rn. like worse than they’ve felt in a long time.

[foreverppl]

gosh… the two things i love most abt the exile is how many revelations happen (+ how much they matter) and how complicated the people are as individuals and in relation to one another. i don’t think you could play this game passively if you tried. how i initially felt abt characters like marcelle, syfyn, and freedom have changed so drastically over the course of these five chapters it’s actually insane. and this change has been in huge part due to finding out new information. uncovering truths… uncovering lies.

[leclerced]

why do I feel like Bunny vents her issues with all of the other guys to Seb? Maybe even moreso than Lando and Oscar because Seb can take the 30,000 foot view of not being in his mid-twenties and having some life experience that a lot of them don’t have

she’s telling him about this one being weird or that one wanting to do something she’s not into sexually and he’s reassuring her that as long as she feels safe and cared for, everything is okay

until she slips and tells him about Oscar taking out his jealousy on her - she knows she shouldn’t be spilling the beans about her actual relationship but it just comes right out, maybe alongside a story about Carlos - and Seb gets serious when he tells her that’s something to keep an eye on, not always bad but can be a harbinger of a relationship dynamic she won’t want down the line

(and that really if she just wants to run away with him, that’s always an option)

i love the idea of her confiding in seb sm !!! im gna talk ab them calling it quits w everyone in this bc it just feels realistic to me rn tbh so if u don’t wanna hear that ! don’t read it. also sorry this is such a mess. i just brain vomited all over this.

so. i kinda like the idea of seb and oscar kinda being friends and confiding in each other too. like they could bond over racing, mark, and bunny at first then realize they have a lot in common and seb’s like another mentor to him. eventually oscar opens up to him about how he feels about bunny bc he doesn’t know who else to talk to, but he’s seen how rough seb can get but he always remains so calm and collected so he knows he’s the guy to talk to. maybe he’d get a little rougher with bunny than usual and even though she’d like it, oscar wouldn’t like the way he lost control a little. he’d tell seb how much he hates thinking about her with anyone else, that he doesn’t feel like he can say anything about it because if or when he does, bunny and lando will leave him bc they’re not done messing around and experimenting. tells seb he wouldn’t have even gotten involved if he knew it would end up with him feeling the way he does because it scares him. not the way he loves bunny more than anything, the way he’d do anything for her. maybe thinks ab hitting someone bc they were flirting w her then reels back and is like, she’s flirting back and lando’s watching and laughing i shouldn’t feel this way. he’d retreat into himself again and just feel awful ab it until he finally can tell seb about it. he’d just keep saying he’s scared of losing lando and bunny but seb tells him if he wants to keep them around he needs to tell them bc thats stuff they need to know.

then, sometime after that, seb assumes they’ve talked about it and he’s mostly forgotten about it until they’re together again. she’s not even thinking about what she’s saying bc she trusts him so much. she’d start telling him about how she thinks it’s sweet that oscar’s so protective over her and seb asks what she means. she explains how he acts ab the other guys and how he gets rougher w her and she likes it, bc while’s usually dominant it’s when lance gives her gifts or she sees carlos that he gets jealous and kinda loses control a little. seb feels some genuine concern for her and feels bad for oscar, realizing that it’s getting worse as time goes on and that oscar’s still not talking to them about their feelings. i think in a way, he’d have some feelings for bunny and that’s why he jokes ab running away with her all the time. he’d be very careful with his words bc he doesn’t know everything, just what oscar told him then and what bunny is now, but he knows that if bunny was his girlfriend, he wouldn’t be letting half the grid look at her, much less fuck her.

he wouldn’t tell her what oscar told him bc it’s not his place, but he would tell her to talk to him and kind of play it as “i think we’re very similar and if i was in his place, or even lando’s, this wouldn’t be happening.” and she’d laugh and be like “well that’s because you never liked sharing silly.” and make a reference to his redbull days. but he’d tell her like “i’m serious. i’m gonna be honest and say i don’t understand why he shares you, like you’re not something to be treasured. i’m not kidding when i say if you ever want to run away… and i know even if he’s not saying it, oscar’s thinking it. i think he’d really do anything for you. you need to think about how he feels, because he won’t or can’t tell you. if he’s showing you in bed by being rougher, he’s taking it out on you. there’s nothing wrong with some rough play but it needs to come from a healthy place, not anger that another man is touching you when all of you have consented. its… something you should think about.”

bunny wouldn’t even know what to say, she’s caught up in the fun of it all and her and lando communicate so well she would kinda just assume because oscar’s not saying anything that he doesn’t feel anything. but hearing seb’s words she actually does start thinking about it and is paying more attention to oscar and less attention to the other drivers. they’d assume she’s on her period or something bc she’s not making plans with any of them. but then it lasts longer than a week.

she’s just spending time with oscar and lando while she thinks about it over the next few days and runs through months of memories. she’d analyze how oscar used to act and is acting. she’d realize how much gentler he is with her after a week of it, bc when he’s domming her normally, he’s not gripping her hips hard enough for his fingertips to bruise the skin so the other men know he touched her first. oscar would never realize he was holding her that hard until afterwards when he was kissing the bruises and apologizing while she’s sighing above him saying she likes the physical reminders of his touch. after hearing that, he wouldn’t be able to tell her how much he hates it because she likes it. but once she stops seeing other driver’s he’s not holding her so tight or manhandling her as often even though she loves when he rearranges her however he wants.

and it’s not just in bed. he’s less tense during the day and is laughing and joking w the other drivers more instead of giving them glares. maybe a lot of little things would slowly change over time without anyone realizing it but as soon as she’s not fooling around with them things kinda go back to how they used to? not fully bc drivers are looking at her longingly wondering why she’s not making any plans but no one would ask about it. they stop sending gifts and stuff without having to be told.

she realizes how much of an effect it has on him and would talk to lando alone first ab the talk she had w seb and how the reason she hasn’t made plans is bc she’s worried ab oscar and that it’s not just like normal possessiveness. lando’s kinda surprised she thinks so bc he doesn’t see it but then she tells him everything in detail. he’d ask her what she wants to do, and she tells him she wants to do whatever oscar wants. the focus has been on her, and only her. they haven’t thought about how oscar feels, just assumed because he’s going along with it that he likes it as much as they do.

oscar would be an anxious mess when bunny asks if they can all talk, assuming the worst, but he can’t deny her anything. they’d be sitting on a couch in one of their hotel rooms, and she’d tell him about her talk with seb and how she’s been thinking about how he feels more, he’d be scared the one person he trusted told them but realize he didn’t and it was just bunny being horny over him roughing her up and seb getting worried like the grid dad he is. bunny tells him, “if this is too much we need to know so we can stop. it’s not fun for us if it’s not fun for you. but we can’t read your mind, so if you don’t tell us, we can’t help you.”

he’d tell them how he feels, all of it, and they’d kind of look sad bc they didn’t realize how much he was thinking and hurting, he generally just seems so relaxed and thoughtless they never realized how fast the gears in his head are turning. they’re silent for a moment when he’s done, waiting for more. in the brief silence he’s expecting them to kick him out until she pulls him into a hug and tells him how much she cares about him. he’d take comfort in her arms and hide his face in her stomach because he doesn’t want to hear what she’s about to say, much less look her in the eye while she tells them they can’t stop so they’re breaking up with him. but then she’d tell him she’s sorry for hurting him, that she didn’t realize what they were doing was hurting him. he’d feel bad about not communicating when he realizes they both really do care about him and wouldn’t dump him over it, she doesn’t really care about the other drivers, not the way she cares for him and lando, it was just fun at first kind of got out of hand. they’d have to find a way to break it to everyone because while they don’t actually need a reason not to be having casual sex w them, they don’t want anyone to feel like they did something wrong or crossed a line when they didn’t. idk what they would do tho.

[apr1lias]

i need to hear your thoughts on today PLEASE

HAHAHA THANK YOU ADORA!!!

Firstly, I am still very very confused about what has happened and I’m also a bit ill so that’s not helping. I had fully accepted that Martin was going to Ducati, Marc was going to Pramac/staying with Gresini and that Enea was going to somewhere, most likely Aprilia, going into Mugello and now it’s just not happening? Like what?

About Jorge not going to Ducati: I prefer Marc and Enea to Jorge, I want to make that clear. However, I just cannot understand how and why they would go back on their word (again) to a rider who has consistently performed for them. I read the italian rumour about him arguing with Gigi, and I can honestly see that being true because Martin doesn’t know how to shut up when it’s good for him, and I think the team was looking for any excuse to not give him the ride. They’ve now lost a rider, and probably two, but it’s fine because I suppose they’re getting the biggest asset on the grid right?

About Marc to Ducati: Honestly do not know what to say. Happy for him, he deserves a bike to be fighting for the championship again after everything that’s happened to him in the last 4 years but I’m not gonna pretend that I’m overjoyed about it. Maybe it’s because I feel a bit blindsided rn and it’ll come round but it’s so confusing. It makes sense after his comments about Pramac on Thursday, but to have this quick a turnaround is crazy. However, I hope if he is confirmed for 2024, then he wins the championship with ease next year to show everyone how it *should* be done on that dominant a bike.

About Martin to Aprilia: As an aprilia fan, I gotta say I had a feeling about Martin coming to the team since the start of the year and I’m conflicted. As a rider, he is obviously fantastic and I have no doubts about him delivering results for the team, but we all know how he is as a person and I’m sorry but I just personally cannot look past it until there is clear proof of change. It kind of makes me sad, as I’ve been supporting this team since I started watching in 2020 and idk, if Maverick goes then I may have to abandon my entire blog’s personality (rip) but if not then idk maybe I’ll act like 1/2 the team exists like I do with Ducati rn. That being said, if he brings the number one plate to Aprilia I will be laughing into next year, but I don’t think it will happen now.

Also side note on this solely for the announcement video: I have to say I cackled when watching the video and saw Aleix holding the door open for Martin, it looked more like Aleix forced him in as a hostage rather than by choice but whatever. I’d convinced myself the aprilia announcement was a maverick extension and aprilia were being opportunists but I literally screamed when I saw Jorge like the announcement post and watched the video 😭

About the Enea rumours: genuinely what the fuck. I want him to stay in the Ducati family, idk where or on what bike but it just feels right. KTM would be a good option though, and of course unless Maverick signs between now and Assen, there’s still space at Aprilia so who knows? Also cause I didn’t read, are the rumours Enea to GasGas or the factory, because if its the factory then we have to do all this again with Brad so… honestly idk but he should get a good seat somewhere. I love Enea and it’s a shame factory ducati hasn’t worked for him but sometimes that’s unfortunately how it goes and hopefully he’ll shine somewhere else.

That’s all I guess, it’s been a fucking crazy monday and I hope silly season doesn’t get even worse (not sure how it could unless pecco pulls a rosberg suddenly retires at the end of the year or some random shit). But yeah, I tried to order these as best I can because my mind is literally just open drawers and disorganised files rn so thank you for reading that post and asking 😭

Also to everyone, feel free to disagree, this is just my opinion as always.

[blixabargelds]

Frankie I was coming to tell you that you posting Louis Hofmann led to me developing a bit of a hyperfixation and discovering last night that he’s currently a London based DJ (because I have no one else to share this information with) but I saw your earlier post so I’ll tell you: I like you and remember you and am proud of you and will wait for you and won’t forget you and think you have (way way more than) a single shred of worth and that you’ll get your brain back at some point soon and you don’t have to disappear forever.

When I first started mood stabilizers I said the same thing about how I’d rather be unstable and creative. I felt like a zombie. I couldn’t do anything. It was so depressing. Everything felt worse. I hesitate to say that because like that’s not great to hear but it’s the truth. Mood stabilizers are a bitch and all my homies hate them but I swear once you get things worked out they’re better.

But please don’t think you’re without worth and please don’t disappear! I’m not being hollow telling you these things either. I’m lowkey parasocial because my social anxiety is too bad to try and be normal and just talk and try to become mutuals but I still thought of you when I read about Louis. I just finished Dark. I’m about to watch Prelude after you posted about it. Your online presence is more than just being a mota writer. You’re still so interesting and creative. If you disappeared I’d forever think of Frankie aka user blixabargelds aka hart.

Sorry this is long winded and probably weird… but hang in there. It’ll get better with the meds!

yeah he is 😭😭 his mixes are here lmaoo also he has very good playlists on his spotify kfjfkfh when i found this out me and elo were like ????? no ofc this makes sense. he’s played in a club i’ve been to in berlin sadly not when i was there tho lol anyways louis hofmann boilerroom set opening with the dark theme tune the same way my nu leng opened their HÖR set with the annihilation score when ?? would say louis HÖR set bc berlin however we don’t fuck w asking artists to remove pro palestine clothing and then shut down their sets when they don’t sooo boilerroom it is pls anyway that’s my. djing rant

noo this is all so so sweet thank you so much 🥺 and really reassuring honestly. i know i just have to be patient it’s just like. head feels like a brick in a washing machine rn like everything has happened so fast from like going truly off the rails to narrowly avoiding hospital to getting diagnosed to getting put on this drug that is meant to help but feels like it’s killing my brain and my doctors are still tweaking it so i’ve not even been on the right dose for longer than a week yet they’ve just been fucking around with it for like a month after all the ✨drama✨ and like. objectively i need to be soo patient w myself but it’s so hard when writing is the thing that brings me joy and sadly i could do that when i was convinced i could see into the future and float peacefully if i hopped off smth tall and i can’t do it now i’m Stabilising and like. accepting that this is for the best even if it feels like getting repeatedly slugged in the meantime is soo hard ough. but thank you thank you sorry for my ramble lmfaoo but really you have made me feel a lot better in this moment 🥺 ❤️ i hope you are enjoying louis’ unhinged catalogue as much as i am loll

also incredibly sweet and mildly amusing ngl to think of someone being parasocial with me fkhfdkhd but i am literally just a bug and and guy and weird and dorky please don’t feel too anxious to come off anon if u ever feel like it!! xxx

[ashipiko]

Ashiii I hope you don't mind me askin a question about twst ashi!

I know the people she's close to are in her profile, like epel, floyd, leona, but exactly how do they act around her and vice versa? And are there any other characters? I'm very curious!! (also i'm working on something rn)

Take your time to answer if you need!! And you don't need to go through every character, just the ones that seem the most important/significant to you :D

HI TARURU!!!!!! 🤔 tbh this question isn’t really that hard to answer so I’ll go in depth about leona/epel? floyd used to be listed as a close relation but EHHH. tho I HAVE written little things for every single chara so that’ll be under the cut!!! (wrote it on discord so the like? rhythm behind the words might be weird cuz I cut them out www) 👁️👁️ TY for the interesting ask tho. hope you have fun w whatever you do!!!!

EPEL: yo the besties EVERRRRR!!!! their dynamic is countryboy that knows how to do so many things and princess who knows how to do so many things BUT neither of them know what the other does. THEY LEARN A NEW SKILL LIKE EVERY DAY THEYRE SO FUNNY. epel acts like his yeehaw self around ashi cuz they’re really close and he loves to catch a break wherever he can 🙏 ashi is more feisty and speaks her mind w/o worry (most of the time) w epel because there’s just a certain level of trust between them?? like you can speak your mind and really form a true connection. ashi who was never really close to anyone and epel who never really had friends his age growing up…… WWW I CRY. like imagine two elementary school students who are best friends. THEM.

LEONA: leona is his usual grumpy self and he doesn’t say it BUT he cares for ashi a lot. he’s not really a word person but more so an action type of guy? he’ll do things that’ll make her go “AWWWWWW” and stuff 🫶 ashi gets to be PEAK annoying and AGAIN doesn’t really worry about keeping up a front because she feels comfortable w leona. she’s the youngest at home after all!!! seems like they wouldn’t vibe at all but you’ll find em hanging out at the botanical garden together

OKKK EVERYONE ELSE IS UNDER THE CUT

—HEARTSLABYUL

RIDDLE: they’re pretty chills…… riddle likes ashi because she abides to the rules of heartslabyul (that she knows of) even if she’s not even a member of Heartslabyul herself <3 tho he does not understand what goes thru her head sometimes. “this slang is worse than cater sometimes and ACE??? ASHI YOU DESERVE BETTER YOURE TOO NICE FOR A RULEBREAKER LIKE HIM” vibes

ACE: do I need to even need to explain. I wrote 6K words about them and won’t shut up

DEUCE: THEY VIBE!!! NGL i do think that ashideuce have like sliiight similarities if you peek but deuce is more open and genuine than her 🤔 they’re very cute and I think Ashi wingmanning him could be cute <3 Ashi thinks he’s silly

CATER: people compare her to him sometimes and she’s like “……IMIG?” they would get along really well on paper but in reality they don’t interact all that often….. nothing special but I think they both know that they’ve got smth going on that’s not entirely the same

TREY: uhhhhh. TRULY JUST ACQUAINTANCES FRS <3 like he’ll ask her if she wants anything because she’s prefect and also cuz she’s like a regular at unbirthday parties but that’s bout it 😔

—SAVANACLAW

LEONA: accidental adoption at its finest. leona and ashi both have that bougie background even tho Ashi isn’t an ACTUAL princess so “out of pity” leona treats her 🙏 they have fun talks and ashi likes to draw w leona when she needs a break from ace or if he’s busy 🫶🫶 v chill……. leona could see right thru her act I think so he also likes to tease her and stuff. THEYRE FUN. i think they styled eachother’s hair to look like eachother once

RUGGIE: 😔 the person leona sends to do the dirty work to get food for Ashi…… they’re chill and they like to catch up!!!! ruggie tried to finesse her once and it almost worked 😭😭they talk sometimes when they both end up at Monstro lounge <3 homies!!! RUGGIE KINDA LEARNS TO ACCEPT HER AS A LITTLE SISTER TOO I THINK

JACK: truly just acquaintances pt 2 😔 it’s really hard to keep a convo going w these two and the only thing they’ve got in common is tsunderes. THE TYPE OF FRIENDS TO BE FRIENDS IN A GROUP but not 1 on 1

—OCTAVINELLE

AZUL: she wants to punch him SO BAD. twstshi acts nice w him cuz he’s her boss and she’s very chill but she SWEARS everytime he opens his mouth she wants to sock him across the face. azul thinks they are great business partners HE MEANS FRIENDS. MAYBE

FLOYD: FLOYD LOOOVES ASHI he thinks she’s SO fun to rile up. will squeeze her very hard if he spots her at basketball matches and if crabby doesn’t point out that she can’t breathe 🫶 ashi likes him but she still finds him VERY scary. unreliable coworker 😔 tho I think wayy later on when Ashi feels more vulnerable their mood swings would be veeeeery uh. ruh oh

JADE: HORRIFYING GET HIM OUT. WHY IS HE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. STOP SMILING AT ME. GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

—SCARABIA

KALIM: they’re SO CUTE. ashi’s a foodie and so kalim invites her over to Scarabia a lot <3 slowly he helps her build up a spice tolerance…… slowly……….. both kinda naive but ashi’s more cautious than him I think

JAMIL: very skeptical of one another. vvvvvv sussy but ashi likes his food so. it’s okie <3

—POMEFIORE

VIL: ADMIRES HIM SM vil’s very neato and espec after book 5 Ashi can’t even be MAD at vil’s overblot because she’s like damn fam 😔 i lowkey getchu. it’s okie <3 and she holds absolutely NO GRUDGE against him. there’s like nothing bad about him she can pinpoint and she thinks he’s really hypesies

ROOK: kinda scary but he’s fun so it works out 🫶🫶 rook is the type to joke and tease Ashi and make her laugh I think but give these one off lines and she’s like “???? WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN.” they’re funsies

EPEL: BESTIES WHO LOOK SO CUTE BUT WOULD KICK YOU IN THE NUTS IF THEY COULD. ashi loves hearing about everything epel and is SO invested in his hometown. she also loves all the apple cider he brings over and thinks it’s SOOOOOOOO good 🙏 ashi’s walls naturally come down w epel and TBH he doesn’t really notice or make a big deal about it? so they act very cute and proper w others but you might catch these two on the roof of NRC one day

—IGNIHYDE

IDIA: ashi hates him so much. so many reasons and she wishes she could curse him with rabies.

ORTHO: thinks he is insane and was fine w him until he threatened to blow up the entirety of NRC and now she thinks that he’s terrifying but she can’t mess w him MORE SO THAN IDIA because 😔 child

—DIASOMNIA

MALLEUS: very scary. she gets so scared and yelps everytime she sees him. she’s like constantly shaking when she talks to him and malleus is like teehee <3 gargoyle

LILIA: KINDA FREAKY WHERE DOES HE COME FROM. lilia think she’s very fun and he likes to talk to her!! tho she cannot eat his food. holy moly my guy like WHAT

SILVER: ashi’s just awed by his existence NGL like damn fam. how are you just like perfection 😭😭 she doesn’t talk to him much tho. like that person you look at and think about but don’t talk to <3 silver thinks she is a very nice girl

SEBEK: one sided affection and ashi is very “😨 huh. stop yelling at me” 😔 she wouldn’t punch him but she will give him the silent treatment cuz she’s so annoyed <33 she laughs everytime Ace disses him

GRIM: IFS LIKE. WEIRD because I don’t think Ashi is ALWAYS putting on her front w him because they’re together literally 24/7 but they care for eachother a lot 😔😔 like Ashi will be moody w Grim but gives him discipline like a dog WITH JUSTIFIED REASONS so he can’t really get mad at her…… even if she is moody she still seems cheery so like. weird middle ground. Ashi still plays it safe but he still gets a good look at a wider range of emotions w her

[magmacannon]

1 and 14-20 for ROMAN

WIZARD BLAST

What’s the lie your character says most often?

I have thought about this question (in regards to "what lie does your character believe") quite a bit and I think the one he says the most often is some manner of "it's okay/it'll be okay" because whether or not things will work out, he is constantly doing it to beat back his own anxiety that things will go Very Badly.

14. How do they put out a candle?

I'm rolling a con save for this one actually.

And a +4 to con so he definitely licks his fingers and puts a candle out like that sometimes!. I think he used to be pretty delicate with them and would only blow them out (and can do so from a good distance, he was raised in a family of singers with good breath control) but I think working with potion-making and getting burnt mildly from that has made his fingertips resilient enough to go for it.

15. What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

At home Roman has WAY more confidence and is overtly goofy and relaxed, at work (and when he was in school) he's Nervous and as tuned-in to what's going on as he can manage to be, though he has trouble multitasking and sometimes loses focus on the Job, with friends he's extremely open to sharing his life story Always (this is evident with how he's trying to share his life rn to make friends too), and when he's alone the most obvious difference is that he is constantly singing or talking to himself. (He sings around Vince and the kids but it's in a goofy sense... he pours his heart out when he's alone)

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

John

And Blu and a little bit Baster but doing that kind of sucks. Also himself constantly

17. What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

Beard hairs too light/short to be a wizard beard (he refuses to try and grow one out! What's the truth buddy)... As for what other people first notice looking at him?? I think Obviously it's the wizard getup (hat and staff), though for his personal appearance I'd guess maybe his smile or posture? He's pretty friendly looking 9/10 times.

18. Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?

Vince and his kids For Sure... Also his brother (and kind of his parents though he's definitely worked through some boundaries with them over his lifetime). Tbf though Roman has a lot of room in his heart for Love so this isn't the most extraordinary thing for him to commit when he decides to love someone.

19. What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

Roman tries very hard not to avoid people and instead talk through issues (potentially sometimes even if the other party doesn't want to talk about something) - if he WAS avoiding someone and got stuck in the same room as them I think he'd probably get physically Ill and tear his hair out before choosing to maybe talk to them.

20. Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?

God I'm SURE Roman has some opinions about Wizards at his university... I think he likely has a lot of admiration for his fellow evoc frat people but kind of looks down on their work (might be jealous?? Or genuine dislike of the path they've taken the War Magic down pff). Roman would be pretty mild about the criticisms he'd give to someone he liked.

I think John sort of falls in the opposite category but we'll see how exactly he feels about him Evolve over time... regardless though John's work with magic is brilliant, and he begrudgingly admitted that some time ago. HOWEVER I think in general he'd likely be much more scrutinizing with the work of someone he disliked than someone he really liked, for better (more fact-checking) or worse (dismissing someone's work for a minor issue), as much as he'd hate to admit it.

[katrinaiceheart]

Hello one and all!

i saw that pinned posts were like a thing to like introduce oneself on here now?

okie doke~ I’m open to gaining new mutuals :3

If you had to call me something I’d probably say Kat or Bek or smth. I am 24, and have a degree in web design and development. Which you would think my blog would look better but you’d be wroooong. I was on this hellsite a long time ago, slightly less long time ago, and i am back again because reddit sploded. Always debating on leaving again because Jesus Christ.

When it comes to my alphabet status (/joke), I am pansexual, polyamorous (married to my nesting partner), gray-demisexual, and graygender. I use she/they pronouns but i don’t really care, and any of this is subject to change at any point. However, I will destroy anyone not respecting other people’s orientations and identities. >:(

When it comes to this blog, I will mostly be reposting memes, text posts and lgbt+ content as well as some activism and important things.

However, my fandom interests are currently are Critical Role, d20 and DND, The Owl House, some Anime (mob psycho 100 and dungeon Meshi RN) and VTubers, Bluey, Gravity Falls, Spiderverse, and a biiiit of ROTTMNT. I will probably add and subtract as I please. Unfortunately, I do not participate in the Hetalia community as much anymore (Formerly I was “the real life APH PA”) but eventually nostalgia might come for me. I am still mad about my box set. But mutual feel free to stick around ❤️ I love seeing you guys.

If you want to see more of something, feel free to let me know! Ask or DM. Please. I’m begging you. I like friends.

FREE PALESTINE!

alright now for warnings: 

Minors: 13+ please, enter at your own risk. I would label my blog as DNI if i felt it was inappropriate, but I don’t think it is? I know ya’ll hear worse at school, so consider this like a big sister blog. I feel most of the subject matter I reblog is either entertaining or important. Content warnings: harsh language, mild sexual themes and references but never explicit material, mild violence and world/US news *Most importantly though Please be safe on the internet tho. I am not responsible for you, you are. Duck out if you are not comfortable, it’s always ok to do that. BE SAFE*

Tagging: i barely tag things guys i am so sorry. but like enter at your own risk especially if you have triggers. It’s not that i don’t care, its that I forget and am super duper lazy :( (but at least I am honest). 

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This blog is pro-Palestine, anti-Zionist, and I don’t put up with antisemitism. It’s a complicated topic but if you believe it’s ok to kill and displace people and bulldoze the land they’ve lived on for generations, you’re in the wrong place.

Other:

Cats are better than dogs. Sorry I make my own rules, no arguments taken.

Don’t be afraid to block me if its what you need to do, i won’t get offended.

I have a NSFW blog, @chubbykats ! Please follow me over there if you find it interesting ;D

Please feel free to interact with me or send me memes. (I promise I will try not to bite!)

Always happy to have a mutual :)

[disformer]

So I draw a lot of goofy shattered glass stuff but I actually really like both the slapstick haw-haw and weeeeeird lovecraftian angles! This is a slice of a SG fic I’m working on that… is taking a lot longer to get through on my schedule rn so I thought I’d post what I’ve got here since we’re talking abt it ❤️

Cw: body horror, psych horror, disturbing imagery and general grissly descriptions.

“Optimus?”

It’s Megatron's voice like he hasn’t heard in years. Soft, gentle, if Optimus pressed it against his throat it would kiss rather than pierce. He thinks of blue optics and tentative hands and wondering smiles and he hates.

Optimus runs hands over the smooth tarp in his lap and doesn’t look up.

“My friend, I’m so… This isn’t what I wanted to happen. Not like this. You don’t deserve-” Megatron’s vocalizer fritzes, choked with pain, “Not like this.”

It’s a lie, in every way. Megatron loves his deceptions. He oozes them with his every breath, his every intake a blasphemy. If Optimus could get his hands on him he’d pin him to the ground, snake his fingers through the wiring in Megatron’s throat and pluck, pluck, pluck, until at last he screamed, fear and pain and wailing as he looked upon his greatest failure. Optimus thinks it would be good for him. It’s always a relief to be honest.

“We weren’t able to get them to drop the processor combing but- Soundwave told them it wouldn’t be safe with the Matrix so your consent protocols are going to be active. It’s not- It’s not the best, I know but-”

But it’s better than what you deserve, Optimus finishes for him, cooing the thought.

There’s no need to speak here; Megatron is an unwelcome guest in his processor. His old partner spits static denial but they’re in LAN connection, and Optimus feeds on the guilt. Gluts on it. Visualises it like a river, pouring over his intake and down his throat and into his belly. Pouring, pouring, black and thick, until it submerges him, chokes him, seeps out of the seams of his optics and his belly until he’s spluttered and offlined, sated. Full to bursting.

Somewhere ahead of him, Megatron begins to weep. Optimus doesn’t look up from his tarp but he can hear it. Megatron is weak if he thinks this is as bad as it’s going to get. If he thinks Optimus is the worst thing lurking in this shithole of a frame.

He shouldn’t have come.

“It’s not going to be anyone you don’t know. I promise.” Megatron moans, voice thick with tears. “Just me and Soundwave. We’re not going to- we’re going to do everything we can to not hurt you.”

Optimus lifts his gaze at that. The mnemo-simulation has put them in his old warehouse, generated by whatever background program they’ve got running to make him as comfortable as possible.

It’s not doing a very good job.

The walls have a shaky look to them that gets worse in his peripherals, the windows seem to open and close by themselves whenever Optimus looks away. The world falls apart on close inspection and he tries not to look at what the chipping of reality reveals.

Every now and then there’s a sound like someone dragging a talon down concrete. Optimus feels it down his back, a tickle. It’s playful. Inviting. He shudders.

“Optimus?” Megatron is talking again. He’s going to want to stop doing that. “Is there anything I can do for you to make you more comfortable? Speak to me, please.”

He meets Megatron's eyes. They’re just as blue and sweet as he thought they would be, a version of them he’d known before war. Optimus wonders what they’d feel like if he pressed his thumbs against them until they shattered.

“Kill me.” He says, and Megatron disintegrates with one last horrified glance as the simulation explodes around them.

---

Before anyone there’d been Ariel and Dion. They weren’t gestalt or spark-brothers, but one day they’d rolled off their manufacturing line together in a pile of shivering, ill-fitting parts and from then on they were family.

Everyone born in that building was screwed from day one; it was a hole-in-the-wall deathtrap of a MTO plant pumping out mechs for the Parade of Metals staff shortage, only to be shut down by enforcers a few vorns after the three of them had been born.

They were all made from the same brittle, recycled scrap and salvage. In the storm season the three of them shook like loose screws under their tarp, frames tucked around each other for warmth their rotting insulation could’t provide.

Ariel had it the worst. Her spark chamber didn’t fit right, a few inches too big for her. It left her constantly rattled and clingy, muttering and pressed into her brother's chests. Some days would be worse than others and she would curl in on herself, sobbing, shoving on her chassis with weak, fumbling hands. Orion would curl around her back and hold her steady for hours while she shook her head from side to side no, no, it hurts.

Dion couldn’t get used to his plating. Something wrong with it, he’d say with a shrug, casual. Just itches a bit. He wouldn’t understand Orion and Ariel leaping to drag his fingers away from his face, away from the bits he’d been peeling off. Just gotta get it off, he’d say, don’t fret, it’ll only take a minute.

They couldn’t stop him forever. One awful night Orion remembers they’d sat down with a stolen vibro-knife over a bunsen burner and the two of them had taken it in turns to slice pieces away while Dion sighed in relief, thanking them every time a section was cut free. It was almost worth it for how well he’d recharged from then on.

Orion didn’t have it half as bad as either of them, which meant he was the one who worked. A thousand dead-end jobs, back-to-back, every cycle. Illegally long shifts at every two-bit docking station from one side of Iacon to the other. Measly paychecks, but that was the story everywhere. If you were on the bottom, at least you were stuck there with company.

The word ‘criminal’ can mean a lot of things, depending on your perspective. Mouths to feed, tanks to fill; civility is a luxury, and it’s an expensive one.

So was it any wonder, Soundwave, what I did next? I suppose you still have your objections. Yes. I see you there, you perverse little voyeur.

Of course you wouldn’t understand. You’ve never been filth before. True, expendable, invisible filth. Alpha Trion was a madman but you’ve never spent a hundred years starving, knowing you would starve for a hundred more, if you even made it that long. You think you know rock bottom but you don’t because if you did, you’d know how it pushes. Peels. It rips you up, ruins you. You don’t feel ruined to me, Soundwave. I can change that if you’d-

---

Glk-glk-glk. Glk-glk-glk.

Optimus wakes.

They’ve opted out of force-feeding energon down his intake by means of bypassing a tube into his anterior tanks. It doesn’t have to go through the pressure regulator in his gastro-chamber; no need to bother with his gag, so Optimus has the uniquely delightful experience of hearing the energon levels in the supply tank deplete in time with the rhythm of his fuel pump.

Glk-glk-glk. Glk-glk-glk.

He shutters his optics, but there’s no budging the haze. His visual processor components feel like soupy plastic in his head and his tongue is an inflexible presence in his intake.

Soundwave-

Naw, man, naw. It ain't safe, Megs, that wastoids got some gnarly shit in that skull of his and I’m not-

“Ah! Hello there, chap,” A voice chirps to his left, crisp and bright and plainly nervous, “terribly sorry to wake you, I was just checking your fuel levels there and- Oh my! Goodness but you do burn through it, aye?”

Shockwave. He’d recognize that grating little accent anywhere.

His optics don’t clear, but they do find purchase on the shiny yellow smear somewhere overhead.

Shockwave is wringing his claws together guiltily, “I would like to say while I have you here I find this all shockingly appalling; personally, between you and myself, I’m not exactly chuffed about all this unethical shadowplay business. Anyway, my own moral compass aside- well. It’s nasty stuff.”

He lifts a claw to one side of his head and taps insinuatingly.

“Can’t stay and chat, not really allowed to even be here if I’m quite honest!” Another nervous laugh, “but I couldn’t just say nothing, could I?”

Optimus stares. He wouldn’t know what to say even if he could form words around the mess of parts he calls a mouth. It’s galling, and he’s infuriated at the small comfort it actually provides.

We don’t have another choice, Soundwave. Handing him over to the council for interrogation-

Man, slag this. I’ve got cassettes dude, they’ve gotta recharge with me. I can’t be putting my little guys to berth at night with this shit in my processor.

How- It’s that bad?

Brother when I say I’m running three system rinses after I even touch a port connected that grody slagger, I’m not pullin’ your leg. Had to motor from that last session because the freak spotted me. That’s not supposed to happen!

He closes his eyes and tunes Shockwave out, there’s too much going on. Optimus hurts all over. They’ve got nine inhibitor clips stapled down the main conduit line of his back and it turns his teeth to glue. There’s cotton balls in his joints.

Megatron and Soundwave are somewhere in the room ahead, Optimus can see their little energy fields flicker even with the wall separating them, an aurora of green and blue. The two spent a thousand years arguing during the war, but nothing has ever riled them up like this. Optimus knows this is new, unwelcome ground for the two of them. He can tell they’re lost, hurting. The satisfaction is as it has been for as long as he can remember; both personal and alien.

Without permission his fingers begin to move. Even, smooth motions at odds with the shaky ventilations and fatigue he feels everywhere else. The digits draw lazy shapes on the slab and he knows if he pays attention they’ll be shaping out strange, misshapen letters.

He doesn’t look. He doesn’t want to see how much control it has while he’s like this.

Look, Megs… This isn’t a kindness, what we’re doing. I don’t see how handing him over to the council could be much-

It’s abuse, Soundwave, in all but name. It’s a violation so fiercely out of the question that I’d rather put a bullet in him. Could you do that? Even to him? Could you live with yourself if you put him in one of those chairs and let them play with his head?

I… Frag. No, fuck that. You’re right, I just…

I understand, my friend. We’ll switch to a denser block between the two of you, total malware flushes between every session-

Glk-glk-glk. Glk-glk-glk.

Optimus doesn’t hear the rest, the soft black crawls over his optics again and he sinks.

Glk-glk-glk. Glk-glk-glk.

---

[zvnphoria]

- how kazutora would act around his crush that is baji’s adoptive sister

a/n - ah i just love kazutora so much and i can’t help but see baji as a brother to me,, i had so much fun making this! and i sorta rushed this because i’m very tired rn but shh

contains - fluff, kazu being cute

such a shy and awkward boy honestly

kazutora’s comfortable with baji because they’re best friends! baji was kazutora’s real friend, of course he’d do anything to repay him.

but around you? he just didn’t know what to say or how to act other than being painfully awkward

the way you both met was very casual

one day kazutora rushed to your apartment to show off to baji the tiger tattoo he got on his neck and he wanted baji to be the first one to see

instead you were the first one to see

when you opened the door, he had a big but hesitant smile on his face because he was nervous baji would think it was too much dedication to his name

(tora means tiger AND kazutora loves tigers if it wasn’t obvious enough)

but when he saw an unfamiliar face in front of him he couldn’t help but feel disappointed and confused

“oh you’re kazutora aren’t you? sorry let me go wake keisuke up,” you say while yawning and walking to your sleeping brother’s room

you ended up throwing your brother out of his room and slamming him on the floor because he is unfortunately a heavy sleeper

baji’s reaction to the tattoo was so over exaggerating you wanted to slap him back to sleep because you were starting to get tired

kazutora sat back and watched your disgusted facial expression and laughed to himself a bit

“hey what’re you laughin’ at?” baji says as he looks back at his sister and back at his best friend

“oh no no it’s nothing!”

baji went back to his room to sleep and you had to tuck him in

although you and baji were the same age and he claims to be your big brother, it’s almost like YOU have to take care of him half the time but you don’t mind

you led kazutora out the door after tucking baji in and thanked him for being friends with him despite being loud and eccentric which was the opposite of kazutora

“no no i should be really thanking him honestly. he saved me and i’m glad,” he reassured

“hah! sorry you have to deal with him all the time,” you say jokingly

“oh and by the way, nice tattoo. see ya!” you say closing the door

it took a while for you and him to be considered as just friends. good thing he put worked very hard to get to where he was!

baji noticed that kazutora’s been trying to get closer to you and there was only one reason he was acting like this— he definitely likes her, he thought

and baji being baji.. he confronted kazutora about this. it was super casual AND out of nowhere too!

it was just a normal day of hanging out with toman. they were on their way to a place they’ve never been to before so they had to ride their motorcycles. kazutora was in the front of the group meanwhile baji was in the middle back because a certain someone fell asleep on his back.

as he made his way to the front next to kazutora, he just HAD to say this so everyone can hear. what was worse was that it was completely unintentional.

“ ‘tora. do you like y/n?”

he thought he misheard that. kazutora didn’t even know you well enough for him to like you romantically. still, it caught him off-guard, and was left with an extremely flustered expression.

“huh?! where’d you get that from dumbass?!

“huh? you like y/n-chin, kazutora?” mikey says with a yawn

“with the way he always tries to be around her, i wouldn’t be surprised,” mitsuya joins in

“no i don’t like her like that! i don’t know her well enough— and not to mention, how did you even comprehend that bullshit?!”

“well it was exactly what mitsuya said. the way you act around her is definitely not something a friend would do,” baji replied

the poor dude kept stuttering which made it the situation worse and made him look more SUSPICIOUS

in the end, he didn’t end up convincing them that he didn’t like you— not that he even had hopes he was gonna convince them

facing you after that was definitely something.. by something i mean very, very awkward

you were so confused on why he couldn’t look you in the eye after you had both just started becoming close

you didn’t question him about it ofc and thank god you didn’t or else he would’ve bursted red

baji 100% tries to get you two together but at the same time is also against it because he’s your sister after all

overall he’d just be very nice and respects you so much :)

[moonchildstyles]

I've been loving all the concepts, miss moon! I wanted to ask you, what do you think Aster!YN's parents would do if one day they decide, for some reason, to go visit her at the apartment without knowing that she moved out and with H? I know they would go ballistic 🤔

That’d be very interesting from the jump bc they wouldn’t even want to visit her until this postcard they tried to send her from one of their vacations without her gets sent back to them and that’s when they decide to pay her a visit bc they are the worst ppl ever and it only gets worse when they go all the way to the building only for not only y/n to be gone but that roommate they picked for her which is not as good of an influence as they thought has moved out too and that’s when y/n starts getting the phone calls and texts and voicemails asking her where she went and how awful she is for not telling them she moved and how she must hate them even after all the things they’ve done for her to be able to do this to them and she better tell them where she is now or they never ever want to see her again and just being….so confusing bc they never want to see her but now they do but they’re also so mad and she feels guilty even tho she knows she shouldn’t and it’s all overwhelming so it’s Harry that takes her phone away and shuts it off for the rest of the day and just holds her and let’s her settle down in his arms and he sends a texts to Sarah telling her to keep a lookout in case y/n’s parents try to contact her and to just please ignore them and y/n’s so grateful and hd knows that but shes also so quiet and he knows shes still really anxious and just…not happy at all:( so he just starts talking to her distracting her w stories ab this client at the shop and this story Mitch had told him and the one time when he was first opening the shop and trying to do his own renovations and just all of this meaningless stuff until he pushed towards telling he’d how loved she is and that she has a wonderful family that she got to pick all herself and no one can ever take that from her or control her bc she’s more than capable of making the right decisions for herself and she’s just quietly crying into his neck and “do you don’t think I’m a bad person? For not telling tnem and everything?” And no no no no ofc not baby you hadn’t even seen or heard from them for almost a year when we moved you don’t owe them anything esp w the way they treated you and us the last time we saw them you’re an adult and u make your own choices and if they really cared they wouldn’t have waited this long to talk to you again they’re just trying to get under your skin u know that? You’re capable and brave and strong and they can’t handle that you do things on your own🥺 and she cries a little harder but tells him thank u in a small voice all wrapped up in his lap and he feels his own eyes start stinging bc if hurts him too seeing her so upset and nothing upsets her the way her parents do so it’s so hard to see this and he swears he’s going to be the one to call them once she’s feeling better bc they don’t get to talk to her like that but rn he just needs to make sure she knows she’s loved and has him and their friends and his family and he’ll probably have his mom call tonight and talk to her just so she feels that kind of mom love he knows she needs🥺

[the-clone-father]

TBB Spoilers and season 2 theories under the cut! This is a long post and heavily speaks about Crosshair and his potential arc for season 2 so if you don’t like Crosshair then please do not read! I love him and I’m allowed to so don’t @ me over it.

potential trigger warnings for mentions of head injury. You have been warned.

^ This is me rn after the finale with my fanfic writing conspiracy theory brain.

Ok so what if….

Crosshair has stated his chip is gone. Considering the way he turned his head to his scar when he told the batch this and the way his behavior changed after said incident (if he was pre-accident he would have killed Howzer before he even uttered a single word in that scene you cannot change my mind) I’d imagine it was after the Venitor engine explosion.

But that’s a messy ass scar. The injury was severe and the damage would have been substantial at the time, so what if the medics did what they could? What if part of the chip is gone, but part of it is still there? Because they’re not going to be able to discern chip from brain matter when you’ve got a large open wound than needs closing.

I mean he’s behaving like Wrecker was before his chip was out with the head holding and the wincing in pain. He might think he’s de-chipped but a part of it is still in there and active. It’s not enough to execute his brothers for being in violation of order 66 but it’s enough for him to be loyal to the Empire after everything they’ve put him through and prevent him from staying with his brothers.

What if in season 2 he slowly comes to realise this? At first he tries to ignore it. He’s with the Empire and made his choice. But the headaches get worse, and the hole in his soul where his brothers used to be gets bigger, and the Empire is telling him to do things that go against everything he believes in because now he at least has enough mental freedom to question these orders. So he decides to remove the rest. Now I doubt the Empire would just let him do this so he’d have to be super sneaky about it.

Picture this. The batch get a coded message over their comm in the marauder. It’s a clone and he tells them he needs help. Queue intense debate about the morality of helping this mystery person and if it’s a trap or not. Omega being the lil beacon of sunshine that she is, says they should go off to meet with him.

They get there and find Crosshair hunched over in agony because it’s just too much and his head feels like it’s about to explode. Now that AZ is with them he can run a scan and inform them that his chip is malfunctioning. Queue utter confusion from all because ‘he said the chip was gone’ to which it’s revealed to the batch that Cross is still in fact enslaved to the Empire and needs the rest of the chip out ASAP.

That’s when the Empire shows up to come collect or destroy their property, and now it’s a race against time to save Cross, themselves and get out of there. They finally get it out and while Cross is unconscious maybe Rampart shows up to posture at them about how the Empire is so great and how they’re defective and will be eliminated when a shot rings out and Rampart crumples to the ground.

everyone turns and it’s Crosshair holding a freshly fired gun and just absolutely livid because he can see clearly now for the first time in a very long time, and with his new sight he finally understands what the Empire has done and that they hold no loyalty to him in the slightest. As Tech stated in the finale Cross has always been a 'severe and unyielding man', and the Empire has done him very dirty so you can imagine the utter fury he would be feeling at himself and the Empire for what has been done.

It wouldn’t be perfect, and it would take time for the batch to forgive and accept him back but at least by then Cross would be able to see everything. I’d imagine he’d feel so guilty but of cause he wouldn’t show it, causing intense issues between him and the squad. Queue Omega coming in and showing him the way, allowing him to heal by showing him unconditional love and support because her big brother needs help and she’s not gonna stand by and let him suffer.

Just please, felony give me this. Give all of us this. Let our angry glue eating toothpick come home…

@mallr4ts notice me senpai

[poisonousquinzel]

https://lady-ha-ha.tumblr.com/post/160715688748/is-that-comic-before-the-reboot-and-which-one-is

(I have not read this comic) Is this true? (if so, ivy deserves someone better).

Post

Kay, first off both of those people are Jarley shippers so take everything they say with a grain of salt and then some, cause no. that part isn't about how much Harley loves Joker and will always choose him over Ivy. Literally you can tell ops don't know what they're talking about cause her whole thing in those issues is going to kill him for years of graphic abuse but ultimately falls back with him once she’s face to face with him.

Like wow, congrats on missing the fucking point again but not surprised from people who ship her with The Fucking Joker.

also, ffs, can anyone please have basic comprehension skills and realize that Harley and Ivy are both fucked up sometimes because they’ve got issues and that’s not comparable to Joker’s long ass history of graphic and disgusting abuse.

Harley and Ivy are villains, they're not a wholesome cookie cutter, White Picket Fence, super vanilla ship with no bad moments. They're both bad guys with a fuck ton of trauma that they both have to work through, and have done so at this point. 

Gotham City Sirens was published between 2009 - 2011, Harley and Ivy weren't blatantly romantic at this point nor had they had anywhere near the development that they’ve had at this point.

Like don’t go into Harlivy content expecting them to be the perfect wlw rep with no flaws during their arcs from BTAS to current time cause that’s just not realistic. They’re both deeply flawed people who’ve got a fuck ton of trauma that they need to (and have) worked through. 

I have talked about the BTAS issues here and this post is good at explaining them too. 

X

X

Harlivy is not and has never been a purely wholesome, goody-goody ship. They’re messy, they have issues, and they have bad moments sometimes, but they both worked through their seperate trauma and came out stronger and better because at the end of the day, they care about each other. 

Harlivy has messy, toxic moments sometimes, but they’re not, and have never been, abusive. There’s a difference between unhealthy moments and a ship being abusive. 

That’s completely different to how Joker acts Constantly, because he does not care that his actions towards Harley are abusive, because he doesn’t give a shit about her. 

He enjoys hurting her. He enjoys ruining her. 

Jarley has always been intended to be written and shown as a domestically abusive relationship.

This is also the first instance where it's directly referenced that there's something more than platonic between her and Ivy, other than the reference in Batgirl Adventures. 

Gotham City Sirens is also not connected to any verses.

This didn’t happen in the timeline we’re in rn with Harley Quinn (2014)/(2016)/(2021).

Comic timelines and shit are stupid and make everything more confusing and awful and I hate it sdfjdksksdkjsd

-

this is gonna be a long post since ops wanna just cut and paste random bits of the issues like jarley stans always do (cause jarley never has good moments that aren’t entirely surrounded by him abusing her) I’m going to show them in full context. *added a keep reading cause it is a lot

(All panels shown are from #15, #18, #19, #20, #21, #23, #24, #25)

So, Harley's entire thing at this point in the GCS comic in that she's been triggered by flashbacks of Joker's abuse and she breaks into Arkham with the intent to kill him.

The entire thing in these issues is showing her smarts and how she knows people's trump cards to get under their skin so she can break into Arkham. 

She’s trained to identify these things in people and she's fucking good at pushing people's buttons. 

this is also just one of my fav Harley covers so I wanted to show it jsdjksdks

“Trump cards. Everyone has one. Places where the armor we build around ourselves is weakest.” 

She’s right. And it’s now shown that Harley’s willing to use those below the belt trump cards if she has to.  

And frankly, I’d say this is worse than what she says to Ivy. And I’m not surprised she did it. She didn’t want to, she tried to get him to just open the door - 

“Don’t make me do this, Aaron. There are some secrets that should stay hidden. Things you should never learn about your own life.” 

but she’s also entirely fueled by rage and the desire to kill Joker. She came here for a reason and she’s not leaving until she’s done it.

“I’m going to kill you. For everything you’ve done to me. All the times you’ve made me feel useless and small. For all the times I will never forget. For all the things I can never forgive. All the memories -”

“Hello, Harley. I’ve missed you.” 

“Memories. That’s all I have left. The past is gone and all I have is... memories. 

Memories.

Memory. 

Gone.

I guess I too have a trump card.”

“Oh, Ivy. You know exactly what my answer is going to be. But you’re hoping you’re wrong, aren’t you?”

She’s also right about this, they already mentioned this in #18.

“How did I become the bad guy?”

“You’re the one choosing a man over her girls.”

“Are you kidding me? You would never say that to Harley, and we both know she’d dumb us in a flat second if Joker called her.”

“Hey! That’s not fair-- Actually, that’s probably true.”

“The difference is, she can’t help it. You can. And she’s working on it. You’re not working on it.” 

“Too easy, Ivy. Too easy. I know your weak spots. Now I just need to push.”

This is exactly what she’s been doing since the starting point of this post. She’s still in that mindset and she knows she can’t beat her on a regular battle field. Neither of them can. 

“Like I said-- You beat me in any level playing field. But I don’t fight on those fields.” 

Harley’s biggest strength as a villain is her ability to completely mentally stall her opponents and learn their weak spots. She wouldn’t win against the majority of the Big Bads if she didn’t fight on a different field than they are. 

so, like yeah, out of context what she says to Ivy seems awful and completely screwed up, and it is, but it’s also built up really well and it’s completely in character for her at this point in her fall during these issues. 

Is what she did fucked? absolutely. It’s not painted that it’s not. 

Ivy Literally Goes To Kill Her For It.

In the end of this all three of them are recaptured by Catwoman and Batman and that’s where we’re starting off at again. 

“Oh, Harley.

The only human I’ve ever called a friend.

To what lengths will I go? Where are my own limits? She is the Strangler fig. And I am the tree, choking underneath. 

Without me, she could never grow. 

But without her, I would fall if I grew too tall.” 

“Will she ever stand by herself? 

Will she ever be ready? 

She is in throes of madness. She sees him, her brain flooding with adrenaline, it makes her excited, nervous, then the feelings start to fade, and she needs more. And more. 

She sees it as passion. She sees it as love. 

But it’s not. It’s addiction. And she’s relapsing.” 

Ivy is well aware of the nature of their relationship. She’s not stupid and she’s been shown already to know that it’s something that takes time. It’s not a one off break up and it’s over. That’s not how abusve relationships work. 

What do I do?

I could use my pheromones to alter her brain chemistry.

I could leave her behind abandoning her to the wilds of her own mind.

I could kill her right now.

Show her how red Nature can be.

There's one other option.

It would require patience.

Even love.

Maybe I'm more human than I want to admit.

"You have one chance to answer this."

I know, if she agrees, she'll be doing it for revenge. For him.

"She put us behind bars."

But maybe if I get away from this place, if I give her something else to think about. Maybe she can break the cycle. But it has to be her choice.

"I'm going to kill her. Come with me."

So yeah, it’s definitely not a just “Harley hurts her and runs off with Joker and it’s just a plain ol’ her choosing him over everyone and that’s that.” 

Jarley shippers love to just reduce all her scenes and arcs down to their “epic love” and shit, but that’s taking away literally everything about her and reducing it down to the 3 panels that they’re “cute” in. Her arc in this part is fucking heartbreaking to read.

And Ivy damn well knows what’s going on with her. She’s smart and she’s the one that’s been there throughout all of this. She found her in the park after he shot her out of a rocket. 

And she knows it’ll take time for Harley to get over and through his manipulation, that’s just how it works with abusive relationships. 

But she’s also not forgiving at first, she’s mad and rightfully so, until she sees the sate of Harley’s cell and realizes how bad her addiction is at that time.

A lot of the unhealthy moments on Harley’s side when it comes to them are directly caused from the effects of being in an abusive relationship with Joker. Because she’s always in this area of her journey in those moments. She’s never fully over him or emancipated. 

And that’s realistic. It’s hard sometimes to be friends with someone who’s in abusive relationships like theirs, having to watch them return to that person time and time again and it’s frustrating after a while. 

I know from personal experience, it’s really hard to watch someone you care about go back or forgive someone that continues to hurt them. 

But abuse victims desperately need a support system outside of their abuser. It’s a crucial part of being able to escape, because when they do try to get out they need someone there or they’ll literally have no where to go but back into their abuser’s arms.

It’s heartbreaking and it’s really rough for everyone effected, but that’s just how it is most of the time. Especially in their case, as they’re not just regular folk dealing with this. 

If she doesn’t have Ivy, Harley has no one else to go to but Joker, on more than just an emotional level. 

She’s lost her job. Her income. Her home. Her livelihood. Her everything.

Most of the time she has no other choice but to return to a life of crime after she’s released from Arkham because she can’t get a job, she’s a notorious criminal and she’s got a lot of issues that don’t just disappear with a bit of therapy. 

She has no other choice but to return to Joker because the other alternative is the streets. At least she knows what to expect with him. 

And that’s not even getting into the manipulation, gaslighting and degrading abuse that he drills into her constantly. 

He’s made her believe she’s not anything without him. That she’s not smart or useful or anything. 

And that’s why it’s so damn important for her to have a support system and why he’s so damn against Ivy. 

Because Ivy is the good voice on her shoulder telling her he’s wrong and that she doesn’t deserve that. 

-

And on Ivy’s side, she’s aware she gets very near cutting off all parts of her humanity. 

She’s a plant goddess, she’s insanely powerful and she feels everything through the green. Frankly, she’s not even on the same playing field as these villains. She’s significanty more powerful than Harley and Joker. 

Her connection to Harley is what keeps her humanity in tack, because despite everything, she does care about her. She was the first person she let in, the first person Ivy called a friend. 

The person that was able to get through to her in #14/#15 when she was losing herself. The one that was able to get through to her that the dude was manipulating her. 

“Ivy, I know you think you love this guy... but you’re just gonna end up strapped to his rocket!”

She had to knock her out for the dude to trust her / not attack them anymore. But Harley got through to her by mentioning how they first met in the park when she saved her after Joker shot her off in a rocket.

And Ivy is understandable turned off towards humans considering her origin and trauma around that. 

She’s got a lot of trust issues.

But both of them work through their seperate traumas over the years because their affection for each other is stronger than the issues their trauma has given them.

-

and also, sometimes, they just have shit writers. that’s an issue overall in comic fandoms. Some writers just fucking suck at getting any of the characters right, let alone LGBT characters, who’re notoriously treated like garbage by DC. 

[greywindys]

you’re the only gorillaz blog i follow so i just wanna ask to whomever wants to answer; is anyone else upset with the direction the band is going? like the cult stuff and the “social media bad” messages they’re doing rn ON social media. since plasic beach/humanz i just don’t think jamie and damon are on the same page of what the band should be/do. i love the band to pieces but its been years since i’ve been happy with the work they’ve put out. i thought after the now now and how good it was they would’ve put out better shit but ig not. i’m not mad, just disappointed and dissatisfied which may be worse. i would prefer they stop making content than do this cringe shit ngl

i just sent a long ass anon but i forgot to tell you thanks for being what keeps me up with gorillaz i love and appreciate you<3

Thank you, anon 🥹. I appreciate you too! I've been through a lot while running this blog in the background, so it'll always be special to me even as my interest in Gorillaz fluctuates. I'll open up your question to the floor, either by anon or by replies.

I honestly don't know what to expect here as anons can be fickle lmao. Hopefully everyone can be respectful to your question. I think most readers here feel similarly to you though, so you may be preaching to the choir. Personally, I'm still hoping for a twist or something unexpected the give this phase a spark. Like, maybe there's a chance they'll have some self-awareness this phase if they're going the route of the band being brainwashed in some way...maybe that's commentary on their own contradictory creative decisions over the last few years. Jamon are confused and not on the same page, so the band falls victim to the false prophets they once purported to to be against. Idk though...would they ever make fun of themselves? I think that could work! But I try not to let my expectations get too high.

[escapewriter]

main masterlist || tbz written masterlist

requests are open

~

tbz reaction to getting stuck in elevator w/ their crush

sangyeon : sangyeon would try to make conversation to hopefully make the situation better than it was. he wouldn’t start with a question tho, just straight saying something about how he’s had worse mornings. but when he finally does ask a question, he notices that you’ve had your ear phones in the entire time.

jacob : jacob would probably be the most calm. he would have a nice conversation with you. you both would be deep into the topic that you wouldnt notice that the elevator has been fixed. its only when it opens on the floor when you both realize how long you’ve been talking.

younghoon : younghoon is probably very shy. he’d be more focused on the fact that the elevator is broken rather than who he’s trapped with. he would continuously press the emergency button and would consider himself the hero if the doors opened or something😭

jaehyun : jaehyun would definitely panic. panic because he doesn’t want the elevator to fall and because he’s stuck in the elevator with you. he’d be nervous and would sway from side to side to distract himself. when you ask if he’s okay, he nods his head but panics some more. when the doors finally open, he sprints out of the elevator.

juyeon : quiet. thats it. he would glance in your direction but would look away as soon as you look towards him.

kevin : he’d be very awkward and ask a dumb question like how your day has been when the elevator broke down in the apartment complex at 7am. he would question his life and hope you didnt hear him but you did.

chanhee : i feel like chanhee would also be quiet like juyeon. he’d be on his phone to distract himself but he’d secretly look at you. but it’s when you point out that his phone is upsidedown when he realizes he fucked up lol.

changmin : changmin would honestly be the type to scare you in a situation like this. like if you both were close friends and he’s liked you for a long time, he’s jump in the elevator to scare you. and when you do get scared, he’ll laugh and say smth like how he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. heartbroken rn </3

haknyeon : haknyeon definitely would try to make the best of the situation. like if you were tense, he would make jokes to try and help you feel more relaxed. he’d be nervouse too, but that’s mainly because of the fact that he’s liked you for so long.

sunwoo : sunwoo definitely would try to make conversation. but it’s when he thinks he said a sentence, it comes out mumbled and in gibberish. he has a smug look on his face while you’re just confused and laugh so he wouldn’t feel embarrassed.

eric : eric is definitely hyping himself up. he’s thinking of all the possible scenarios with which ever question he could start off with. and just as he’s about to ask, the bell of the elevator dings and he runs out of there. (obviously he’s been hyping himself up for the 30 minutes they’ve been stuck in there)

[suddencolds]

I see you say you're taking prompts and I instantly kick down your door. I'd write this myself if I was at home rn but. Venti starting to come down with a cold but going out drinking anyways but the strong scent of the alcohol keeps making him sneeze whenever he tries to drink and people are starting to Worry

Hi anon!! First, sorry for the delay!!! Second, thank you for the prompt (which I have interpreted to take place during Windblume festival, just because. <33) I’ve run around with Venti so much recently that I feel like it’s about time that I write something for him ;w; Hope you enjoy!

—

In hindsight, all the signs were there.

Venti wakes up with the sort of deep, unshakeable exhaustion he hasn’t felt in years—strictly speaking, archons don’t need sleep, so he finds he’s rarely this tired. He catches himself almost nodding off after a conversation with Amber and has to pinch himself awake; when afternoon rolls around, he takes an indulgent nap at Windrise, only to somehow wake up twice as tired as before.

He feels restless, if anything, and it’s too cold outside for his liking, so he heads to the Angel’s Share. Kaeya still owes him a drink as payment for the lessons in poetry—besides, he’s sure the alcohol will warm him up.

It’s one of those days when the tavern is crammed full of customers. When he pushes open the door, he spends a good few seconds trying to find somewhere to sit, until Kaeya—who is predictably present—waves him over.

“Why, if it isn’t Mondstadt’s greatest bard.”

“I seem to recall you owing me one last drink to cover your tuition fee,” Venti tells him.

Kaeya laughs. “I was hoping you’d have forgotten.”

“Haha! I assure you, my memory is excellent when it comes to wine.”

Next to Kaeya is Jean, the Acting Grand-Master, which is unexpected—Venti has always seen her as someone too respectable to drink—but closer inspection tells him that she’s nursing a cup of Windblume Apple Cider, which makes marginally more sense. Then, behind the bar, is Diluc.

“It’s quite the occasion, isn’t it?” Venti says, taking a seat next to Kaeya, though something about a sudden change in temperature in the tavern makes him shiver. “Even Master Diluc is here tonight.”

Jean nods. “He wanted Charles to take the day off so he could properly celebrate.”

“It’s nothing like that. I just happened to be free,” Diluc denies—though, Venti knows that Diluc’s schedule is much less rigid than the Knights’—he gets the sense that Diluc is only here when he actually wants to be here.

“Quite the gentleman, isn’t he?” Kaeya says, giving Diluc a significant look, which Diluc pointedly ignores. “So, what do I owe you? A Windblume-exclusive Apple Cider?”

Venti suppresses another shiver. Really, the tavern feels unusually chilly. Perhaps it’s been set like this in expectation for the abundance of customers—he supposes they’d be less enthusiastic about drinking for hours in a tavern that’s stiflingly warm—but isn’t this overdoing it a bit?

“Actually, I think I’m in the mood for Dandelion Wine,” he says, clearing his throat when his voice comes out uncharacteristically scratchy. “It’ll save you a couple hundred mora.”

Kaeya nods. “Another order of Dandelion Wine, then?”

Venti leans forward on his stool, propping his arms up on the countertop, and listens as Kaeya and Jean discuss the most efficient way for the Knights to investigate some strange movements from the Fatui agents lately. They’re both excellent strategists, though where Jean is reserved, well-acquainted with the terrain and its shortcuts, Kaeya is reckless, pushing for efficiency over certainty. Diluc is listening too, even though he doesn’t offer any interjections.

It’s an enjoyable conversation to sit in on, but Venti really wishes it weren’t so cold here. His nose is running, and there’s a tickle in his nose, so sharp and so pressing that he has to—

“hiih’NKTch-uu!” He sniffles, wiping his nose absently on one wrist.

“Bless you,” Kaeya says offhandedly, then resumes speaking.

It’s only a few seconds later that he finds his breath hitching again. Such a sustained reaction must be—

“hiih… hiiIH’KScHuu!”

—the result of something he’s well acquainted with. This time, it’s Jean that blesses him. 

“Ugh, Master Diluc,” Venti laments. “Since when have you allowed cats in the tavern?”

Diluc raises an eyebrow. “I don’t. Has someone brought a cat in?”

“I didn’t see one. But something here seems to be setting off… my.... hiih!!” His nose is actually running now, and he shivers—a lost sneeze is much less unsatisfying than one seen to conclusion. “...my allergies, snf-!”

“Are you sure you want to order wine?” Jean says. “It’s a histamine, so I’m afraid it might make you feel worse, if you’re allergic.”

“It’s no big deal, hehe, just… annoying… hahh… hAHH…” Venti raises a hand to his face, his eyes snapping shut— “hAH’KTCHh-yuu!”

“Bless you,” Jean and Kaeya say simultaneously.

“snf…! Thanks, I’m not sure what’s gotten into me.” Somehow, the next breath he takes in comes in all wrong, and before he knows it he’s muffling coughs into the same hand—harsher, perhaps, than the situation justifies.

“Are you feeling alright?” Jean asks.

Venti smiles, trying for reassuring. “Don’t worry about me! I’m as well as always, snf! Perhaps someone came in with their shirt covered in cat hairs…”

“Or it could be a cold,” Kaeya offers, with a shrug. “Your face is a little red.”

“It is?” Venti asks, though he doesn’t consider the possibility seriously. “I hope it’s flattering.”

Diluc hands him his Dandelion Wine, which Venti takes from him gratefully. On days like this, he’s glad Diluc knows his identity as Barbatos—evenings like this are much more pleasant when the town’s bartenders are willing to indulge him. The burn of the alcohol is pleasant as he sips, but strangely…

...it’s not enough.

Everything’s too cold, still—frigid in a way he feels shivery and tired, even though he thinks he might actually be sweating. He takes another long sip—half out of desperation—and finds that his throat is sore.

“...Venti?”

Before he knows it, Jean is leaning forward to press the back of her hand to his forehead. Jean has always been gentle, and Venti almost protests as she lowers her hand.

“I think you have a fever,” she says.

That can’t be right, can it? “You must be mistaken. I don’t get... hiIh… hiiIH’K-sShu!... sick, snf-!”

Kaeya sighs. “You sound just like Diluc. Really, maybe hot apple cider would’ve been a better choice.”

“No,” Venti insists, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant. I... can’t get sick.” He rubs his nose, sniffling into the back of one hand. Diluc passes him a generous stack of napkins. “I’m not supposed to be able to.”

Jean seems to catch on. “Because of your godhood?” Kaeya doesn’t seem surprised at her statement, which implies that Jean has probably told him already.

“I think so. I can’t remember the last time I’ve caught something, and it hasn’t… haHH… snf! It hasn’t ever been something I’ve had to worry about… hIIIh…” Suddenly he’s scrambling for another napkin from the stack, barely managing to unfold it before he’s holding it shakily up to his face. “hiIIHK’SCHhhew! snf-! Ugh, excuse me...”

His head protests. He blinks, his vision swimming, and shuts his eyes.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?” Kaeya says, sounding so genuine that Venti finds himself faintly surprised. He doesn’t realize Diluc’s taken his coat off until he feels the weight of it around his shoulders.

Perhaps it’s because his gnosis isn’t with him, he realizes, with a jolt. He’s always kept it on him—more inseparable, less tangible than his Vision is, but now that it’s in the hands of the eighth of the Tsaritsa’s Harbingers, maybe it means that some of the perks of godhood are gone with it, too.

“I guess so,” he admits. The tickle in his nose is back—not as incessant as it is when he’s petting a cat, but it’s there nonetheless, present and vicious enough to make him shiver in anticipation as his breath snags on an inhale. “hiiH… hiIIH... hIIHKTChh’yuu!” His shoulders shutter forward with the release, forceful enough to jostle the cups on the countertop.

“Bless—”

“HIiih…. IKKSSch’uu!”

“—you.” From Diluc, this time.

Venti blows his nose softly into the napkin and reaches for another. Will this never end? How long are colds supposed to last? Allergies, while annoying, are tolerable enough accompanied by the knowledge that a shower will get rid of them—he’s not looking forward to feeling like this for a week.

“...I have to admit,” he concedes, “I’m quite lost when it comes to dealing with things like this.”

“It’s alright. That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it?” Jean says softly, setting a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay! I don’t need...”

“You should get some rest,” Diluc adds. “Keep the jacket until you’re feeling well again.”

Venti coughs. “I didn’t mean...”

Their concern is a bit embarrassing, really—as often as he fraternizes with the citizens of Mondstadt, isn’t he supposed to be the one looking after them?—but it’s strangely comforting to have the three of them fuss over him, still.

“Why don’t I order something that will actually make you feel better, instead of worse?” Kaeya suggests.

Between today and the last time they’ve been here, Kaeya has already bought him the three drinks he’s owed. Venti sniffles lightly, adjusting Diluc’s jacket around his shoulders to keep it from slipping off. “You’ve already repaid my lessons in full, so it would be unfair of me to—”

“Consider it a tip.” Kaeya raises his own glass, smirking. “To Mondstadt’s greatest romantic advisor.”

Jean clinks her glass with his. It’s sweeter than he’s used to. Despite himself, Venti smiles.

[actual-fucking-clown]

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

~

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this. 

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them. 

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems. 

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered. 

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough. 

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon. 

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown. 

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile. 

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it  but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless. 

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke. 

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent.  A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too. 

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I  don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )